Mommy Dearest

Scrutiny

God I hate it! My whole life I've been watched. My mother is the worst. No mistake goes unnoticed. Every flaw is brought to my attention.

"Why did you do that?"
"That looks terrible, you look like a bull dyke" she hated my leather jacket
"Why did you waste your money on that?"
"You're just like your father." whatever
"You're such a fanatic." because I'm a vegetarian
"You're anal retentive." because I take the time to do things right
"You drink to much." I drink as much as she does
"You have too much make-up." I take care of my appearance
"Why do you hang out with those people?" to piss you off
"Didn't I teach you anything?"

Yes you did mom. You taught me that there is not way in hell that I could please you, so I gave up trying a long time ago.

You bitch about the stupidest shit. You complained that I spent my money on artichoke hearts. You bitch about every thread of clothing I put on. Yet you don't give a damn about your appearance and walk around all day in sweat pants. You don't like any of my friends so I stopped bringing them around. I don't even think of bringing a man around. He would never meet your standards. Yet your boyfriend hardly ever works, smokes four packs of cigarettes a day and is the biggest pothead around. You support his habits. I don't see where you get off complaining about the men in my life.

I never share anything with you because I know that somewhere down the road you will use it as ammunition against me. I describe you to other people as a heaping spoonful of negativity. You are eternally bitter and angry.

They say that women end up like their mothers. This is my worst nightmare.